Micro Reviews – And Not A Receipt in Sight

My PC is fairly impressive for a lazy, non-trendy gaming person. That’s to say I have enough power under the hood to run 99.9 percent of all cutting edge titles, but maybe not at their highest settings. I just can’t get worked up enough to bother upgrading over some new fog physics. Call me crazy.

The dramatic irony of having such a machine, nay even a standard Dell or HP, is that each of them are becoming less and less compatible with the past. Windows and Apple are focused forward while all of us weirdos that like memories or missed some experiences have to dig for chances to go back and have them.

To a painful amount, I experienced this hardship this month, leading to so very many broken experiences.

Stare into the death of my foes…which are these games.

Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver – It booted up, at least. Although if it hadn’t, at least I couldn’t have the absolute worst camera experience I’ve ever had within the few minutes the game worked. So, you know, pluses and minuses.

I’ve never played any Kain games, so while this one failed on my PC (and others as you’ll see), I’m still looking for a potential go with this entry at least. (Probably)

*30 minutes later*

Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver 2 – Couldn’t get to the home screen, despite my urging. I’ve found nothing helpful online either. The suck fest just keeps on rolling here.

You may be wondering even why I’m bothering placing these on here if I haven’t digested a real chunk of the gameplay. Well, this was all my experience was allowed to capture. No one owes a game or series anything, not even the darlings of the past. While this surely isn’t everyone’s experience, I believe it should be documented as an experience no matter what. So, the sh*tty fan keeps on spinning and spewing. (Probably Not)

*20 minutes later*

Legacy of Kain: Defiance – Same deal, different title. I’ve struck out on the Legacy of Kain series at this point. (Probably Not)

Look at this dark, gooey mess.

Manhunt – This one, I had enough time to get video footage of me screwing with the stealth mechanics. Seriously, 10 minutes of gameplay time, then frozen like a penguin’s nose.

Even when I could play, the movement and actions seem boring as all get-out. This is one of those titles that upset everyone in the world that didn’t play it and just looked at screenshots – the Rockstar special of the 2000s. After my truncated experience, I’m fine never coming back to this part of their well. (Definitely Not)

2064: Read-Only Memories – Okay, which one of you sadistic bastards put a voodoo curse on me? This one was particularly sadistic because I had played long enough to get a good vibe for the game – 3 hours! – and then the game froze as I saved. No save file for you, it says!


2064 is a very colorful adventure game with characters that do the job well-enough. The adventure genre seems to walk such a delicate balance to me that one push to either side can sink a game. For 2064, having the observation sections feel too light without enough interactivity is what did it for me. I just didn’t sense enough activity to keep moving forward, and certainly not enough to restart the game completely.

Oh, and whichever one of you cursed me, you win this round. (Definitely Not)

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