Yo Ho, Me Snakeys! – Micro Reviews

I’d like to think I play a pretty wide array of games, which leads me into a lot of hallways of fandom and detest. There are some really fascinating love fests for games that I juxtapose to my own feelings, usually finding the former vastly overshadowing the latter. Which is cool. Some people have more passion in their pinkie for video games than I ever will for even my pantheon. So be it.

Like Ash from Army of Darkness says, “Good, bad, I’m the guy with the blog post.”

Sea of Thieves – Heh, nope. You can’t make me take the side of someone that finds this initial product anything less than dismal pirate makeup on a refrigerator. This trend of releasing platforms, companies must feel, is perfectly acceptable because of their successful marketing. Think of this: how many lawsuits do you see coming to movies or any other realm of entertainment? Just this year with video games, we’re looking at over 5. This isn’t just sour grapes, it’s a rotten tree. Sea of Thieves gave plenty of people dry heaves from its particular type of rot, and I’m sick of it after about 10 minutes. (Never)

He’s helping her with her headache, I choose to believe.

Friday the 13th – While a little bit more atmospheric than Dead By Daylight in a supremely cool way, Friday the 13th doesn’t have the same amount of fun to me. That’s mostly because the rotation to get the monster of the house, Jason, seems even more restrictive than Left 4 Dead’s Tank. I would’ve prefered an Evolve-esque priority scale so you could keep on keeping on as the blonde jock or Jason himself. I don’t mind the map, but it can get wrung of goodwill very, very quickly. After a handful of matches, I had no more hatred to spare this mindless killer. (Probably not)

State of Decay – Yet another glitchy motherf*cker that punched me in the stomach about 15 hours into the adventure. Sure, there wasn’t exactly the greatest hook to keep me dragging through the apocalypse, but as I said in my State of Decay 2 review, I love this concept on paper. Being a full survivor inside of a zombie game with a base-building aspect? Give me more. Unfortunately, this one has now punched me back multiple times, and after playing the second, here’s another example where the vinegar has just run out of my engine. I’m going to see how many of those metaphors I can think of…. (Probably not)

Snake Pass – Wait, here’s a charmer! As the first good snake in the history of the human race, Noodle approaches Super Lucky’s Tale levels of sugary sweet. Everything is bouncy and happy and colorful, including your smiling snake that slithers along collection more light and happiness. The controls are very active and involving on the level of I Am Toast in that every button continuously comes into play. While there is some momentum to be had, it’s unfortunate that there’s not more of a sense of speed. Platformers of all types benefit from momentum and the sense that correct movements can lead to a tangible in-game “zone”. Mostly due to how slow it all feels, this snake has likely slithered through its last tumbleweed (that’s what she said). (Probably not)

Raise it gurrrllll.

Child of Light – I grabbed the demo for this one back when it first came out and remember it being intriguing even then. Sooooo, I bought it. Then it sat for a long time. Now that I’m rummaging again, I remember exactly what drew me in all that time ago beyond the tranquil art style. The battle system is a loving take on the Final Fantasy X turn order with light and heavy attacks changing up the pace of battle. Traversal opens into a fun, vertical expanse early on as well, giving the main character a dreamy, transcendent feel. Which is a long way of saying yeah, I’ll be back. (Definitely)

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